Week 12

Book Intro

Week 10

Opinion Piece


Halloween, one of the whole points of the holiday is to dress up and look scary, right??

Well, all I see on Halloween are pictures of girls in tiny, "slutty," costumes.

Sexy army girl, sexy late night nurse, sexy Nile goddess, sweet and sexy vampire.."

Just a few of the costume names out of hundreds for women. Last time I checked.. army girls were supposed to be tough.. not sexy..
Late night nurse? Sounds like a woman in scrubs, living off of coffee and trying not to fall asleep in a hospital before her shift is over. The Nile, a river talked about in the Bible.. and a vampire.. sweet AND sexy?? Vampires are supposed to be frightening with fangs and blood everywhere.
Not to mention, the most ridiculous aspect is that it is pretty chilly in October, yet girls run around with their skin all exposed, freezing there a**'s off.

Week 9

What If

Any man could be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad.



Marriage is a 50/50 kind of situation. 50% chance a husband and wife will stay together, 50% chance they will get a divorce. There is no way to predict what could possibly happen between two people who are "in love," whatever that means.

Since I was three months old, I have lived with my mom and her only. I've grown up in believing a family only contains one parent, and honestly I am perfectly okay with that thought. My papa is my "dad" and I cannot imagine it any other way. My mom has been there for me emotionally and financially through out my entire life.. my dad, has not.

What if...
What if?
What if my dad had actually been there for me when I needed him?

Week 7

Structure


He left her laying there on the cold, hard, winter ground. The two boys he had been riding with sped off as soon as he hit the mustang and she flew off the snowmobile and landed about 15 feet away. Not only did he at first ride off but took the time to come back and move her so it looked like she was the one driving snowmobile. Kyle ran off into the woods as the drivers of the mustang called 911. The first thing the paramedic said when he examined Martina was "she's lucky to be alive."



Kyle had a court date about a year later and within that year he started snorting cocaine and he had raped one of my friends. Also, left a girl up on Chick Hill once he had sex with her in the pouring rain. Kyle is a tall, bulky guy. One that no girl or boy would want to mess with. He is also "crazy," his mood can change in an instant and there is no idea what he could do next. His glasses make him look like a harmless guy, for some, strange reason, glasses always make a person look intelligent and less dangerous. With Kyle, that is total opposite. His body is built enough to make a "tough guy," a coward in seconds.. when he is mad.. he's mad.

I remember talking to Martina one day about Kyle when I went to see how she was doing. "It was the only time I had hung out with him, I never knew he could be so heartless." She explained to me when I asked her about what kind of relationship they had. Scenes popped into my head that I had experienced the year before with Kyle while at a party.

I was sitting at the round table with my three friends playing kings cup when suddenly Scott came bursting through the door. "You guys need to stay in here, I'm serious, why the fuck did I bring Kyle out here?" He questioned himself as he walked back outside. Being three eighteen year old girls, naturally, we went outside on the deck of the house to see what was going on. By the fire pit, there was Kyle holding a hand gun. Not to mention a chain saw was to the right of him on a bench. "Don't fucking come near me Scott, I swear I'll shoot you in the fucking head" Kyle yelled as he held the gun up. Suddenly he started shooting rounds into the air and behind his back without even looking at what he was shooting at. "Get inside" Scott yelled at us, we ran inside, all of us crying.. including his girlfriend. "He's always like this when he drinks.. I hate it, I'm so sorry guys" She said to Nicole and I as we sat side-by-side on a twin bed. Speechless, we all sat there in silence as we listened to Kyle shoot off rounds outside, hoping he wouldn't hit one of the guys. After about two minutes, Kyle stopped shooting the gun and yelling started. Most of it was jumbled together but the one sentence I remember clearly was Craig yelling "what the fuck is wrong with you man?" That's when the screen door came slamming down on the floor with Craig on top of it, Kyle had pushed him so hard it broke the hinges. "I'll fucking kill you man, you don't know what it's like to be me" he screamed at Craig. It took Joey, Scott, Bobby and Jerry to get him off of Craig and out the door. Craig sprinted out and grabbed the gun and chainsaw so Kyle couldn't get a hold of them. Luckily no one was hurt but Kyle was never allowed out to that house ever again.

I glance over at Martina and simply said, "Kyle is heartless, it does not surprise me one bit."

Week 5

Adult Memoir

I put my keys in the ignition and started the truck. Flipping through all the channels trying to find music other than Adam Sandler's "Thanksgiving song." I finally gave up and turned the radio off. Driving out to my dad's house was something I rarely did, so whenever I drive out there, I see different scenery that went unnoticed before. The ten minute drive took me straight to his driveway and the first difference I recognized was my sister's car wasn't there, instead I saw a black GMC Envoy.

Is that a girl or a boy.... I wondered as I sat across from "it," trying to choke down my mash potato. It spoke with the whole family instead of me, except for the occasional "pass the salt" or "pass the butter." "Michelle, what do you do for work?" My father asked.. finally I knew what gender "it" was.

I tried my absolute best not to stare at Michelle. She had red hair which was cut in a style a man would have. She wore a white polo and did not have any jewelry anywhere. Her voice was even a little bit manly and she had much more in common with my dad than my step mom.. they were getting along like peanut butter and fluff. Although I knew she was a girl, there wren't any facial features that made her look like one.

Dinner remained somewhat awkward and my sister barely said a word to me. I left the house to head back home and decided to not tell my mom about the encounter.. it was probably nothing.


***

I was unwrapping my Subway sandwich when my mom walked through the door in her uniform. "We have something we have to talk about," she took a deep breath and set her suitcase on the floor and walked over to the table to take a seat across from me. "Okay, who is it about?" I asked, nervously, hoping she wouldn't say me. "It's about your sister and something she told your father recently."

***

Family events became awkward for the longest time. I was never sure if it was as strange for everyone else as it was for me. Michelle talked to me once and a while during a family conversation but never one on one. I felt weird around her, if she was attracted to my sister, was she attracted to me too?

Week 4

Childhood

Tap, Ballet, hip-hop and jazz.

My life revolved around dancing for about four to five years. I would attend the lessons every night after school at Top Hat Dance studio in Holden, Maine. My best friends: Chelsea, Bekah, Ashley and Allison would be right by my side while practicing the routines. "One and two and three and four, five, six, seven and eight." Instead of having lyrics to my favorite songs in my head it was numbers one through eight, repeating themselves every second of everyday.

Even when I wasn't in the dance studio, I was rehearsing wherever I was, school, home, on the playground, you name it. I was often giggled at by my friends who didn't dance for doing it all the time, but, practice makes perfect.. well almost perfect. My mom was constantly having me practice in front of her as well. I came home one day to find two large mirrors in my basement, "I thought these would be helpful so you can watch yourself dance" my mom said to me as I looked at my reflection.

Dance was what my life revolved around. Countless hours of going over the same steps until they were correct and then moving on to a new eight count. My friends and I lived for our performances which took place at the University of Maine. Our glittery outfits were the best part, as well as caking on make up like there was no tomorrow. By the time we were ready to go on stage we looked like clowns with all our silly eye shadow and lipstick. Our parents would take pictures like there was no tomorrow while we were performing. I would review them with my mom once we got home and in half of them I had my eyes closed because the stage lights were so bright.

I enjoyed the constant repetition of school, dinner, dance for about two to three years. One night over supper my mom suggested that I transfer to Thomas School of Dance in Bangor. I had started to give it some thought but rejected the idea because none of my friends would be with me if I switched over. Like any parent, my mom over time made the decision for me and pulled me out of Top Hat and signed me up at Thomas. I cried and cried because the anxiety of having to make all new friends and meet new dance instructors made me sick to my stomach.

The night came for me to attend my first dance class at Thomas and I was so furious that my mom was close to banding me from the computer for a week. Sitting in the car, I did not say a word and just glared out the window and kept thinking about all my friends back at Top Hat having a wonderful time without me. The car came to a stop and my mom told me we had arrived. I grabbed my nike bag with my dance shoes and slammed the car door shut. Tears were already starting to form in the corners of my eyes as my mom and I walked through the entrance door.

The building was old and the front desk to sign in was taller than I, making the whole situation a lot worse. "Hillary Craig" my mom said to the lady when she asked my name.. the woman told my mom what room to take me to and what my instructors name was. We made our way up the stairs and there was a peculiar smell the hallways had, making me hate the place even more. The dance instructor was a tall older woman who introduced herself as I walked into the studio, I forgot her name instantly simply because I did not even have the interest to remember it. Next thing I knew my mom was saying bye and told me she would pick me up around 8:30.. wonderful, I thought to myself.

After about ten minutes, all the girls had showed up and we all put our jazz shoes on, ready to dance. I stood in the corner by myself, realizing I didn't know or had never even seen any of the girls before.
"Okay ladies, I want half in one corner and half in the other."
I stayed in my corner as everyone else scurried around the room to choose what side they wanted to be on. Music started to play and one by one girls were doing full splits from one side of the room to the other. "What the Hell is this???" I thought to myself, watching the other girls. I was a good dancer but not nearly coordinated enough to do a full splits across the room, my legs were lanky and long. My turn came quickly and I started to cry.. my instructor came over and did not comfort me but instead pushed my front and bag legs down to the ground as far as she could. The pain was very difficult to maintain a she did this until I made it to the other side. By the time my turn was up, all the other girls were standing and watching me. I immediately walked over to my bag and took my dance shoes off, as anyone could guess, I sat there the entire rest of class and waited for my mother to get me.

I never ever step foot back in Thomas School of Dance again. I also never went back to Top Hat, unfortunately the experience ended my dancing career. But as they say "every ending starts a new beginning," that spring I bought my first field hockey stick.

Week 3

Travel Essay

I swear this is the longest car ride of my life... especially since I am stuck in the back seat of my Grandmother's van with my mom. Of course, we had to take the back roads instead of the interstate because everyone wanted to see the "scenery." The "scenery" is actually just a bunch of crappy houses and run-down farms strewn out here and there. We have been on the road for only two hours and I am already wanting to die.. ten more hours to go.

Week 2

Description


The sky was a grayish blue as I at there in the grass, looking straight ahead. There was a little bracelet with a cat on it, a wind-up yellow chick, three empty beer cans, a statue of a black lab and a Monster Energy cap. I picked up the red party cup in front of me and slowly poured water from my water bottle into it, then dropped a ping pong ball into the cup. I set it down in between the flowers and the stone with the empty beer cans and took a long deep breath. A tear fell down my cheek as I looked up to the sky.

An elderly man caught my eye as I glanced over to my left. I watched as he gently rubbed his hand across a gravestone that read "Coco." He quietly stood there and then closed his eyes for about a minute- praying. I patiently sat there, waiting for him to finish his prayer. He began to open his eyes and I immediately turned back to Alex's stone, hoping the man didn't catch me watching him. I kept my eyes steady, reading Alex's stone over and over again but still aware of where it was the man was walking to. About ten feet away from me he sat, very still on a granite bench.

As I sat there, gathering up my emotions and wiping my eyes, I felt a strong urge to go and sit by the man. I picked up my keys and my cell phone and walked right over to him.
"Was that your boyfriend or brother?" He asked as I approached him.
"It was actually a good friend of mine," I answered back as I sat down on the bench.
"Ah, I say a prayer by his grave once and a while.. I'm here everyday for about forty five minutes to an hour, visiting my sweetheart."
I didn't have to guess that the stone he was at a few minutes prior was his deceased wife.

Sam Coco went on to tell me about how his wife died and what a wonderful life they had. I watched a tear run down his cheek as he told me what watching her take her last breaths was like. The 86 year old man sat beside me, in dark green khakis with a dark blue sweater on. He held is hands together, his wedding band still on his ring finger.

He went on and on for about an hour about his life, pausing here and there for me to respond. As we sat there talking, the sun slowly started to peek through the clouds and shined down right over the cemetery.

Week 1

Nature


The sun beamed down on us as we sat and slowly rocked on the swing. The driveway pavement was warm under my bare feet, and the breeze was just enough to keep me cooled off. It had been rainy the past couple of days so the heat felt good on our skin. My grandmother to my left was silently sitting, gazing around and once and a while closing her eyes to give them a rest. Under one of the poles that held up the swing, hornets buzzed in and out of the hollow pole, venturing up to their nest. "Don't bother them and they won't bother you," my Gram kept saying as I would flinch out of nervousness when they'd come close. The sky above us was bright blue and the clouds were slowly moving, giving us enough time to respect the unique shapes of every single one.

Keeping my eyes on the hornets around us, I did not see the Eagle flying above, until my Gram said something. "There's an Eagle right above your Fathers house," she whispered. We both watched as it flew above us, slowly flapping it's wings and circling in the same area over and over again.
"They are always around here.. it's a good thing none of the neighbors have small dogs, never know what those birds are going to do."
I take what my Gram says into consideration and thank God I left my four pound dog at my Mom's house.

With my Grandmother's health deteriorating, every minute I get with her I respect the atmosphere and her so much more than usual. We were granted a beautiful day to sit on the swing together, in silence we both appreciate the life we have been given. The grass, a vibrant shade of green was slowly swaying in the wind and my Dad's dog had found a shady spot under the porch to lay down and cool off.

I peer over at my Gram as she is slowly falling sleep, her recent visits to the emergency room and ICU had left her exhausted.
"You don't have to stay out here with me Gram."
She slowly opens her eyes and gives me a little grin,
"I know honey, I'll probably go inside soon, Gram is getting tired.. used all my energy today and it's only twelve in the afternoon."
She sighs and musters up enough energy to get up off the swing. I stand up and put my arms around her, trying not to tear up.

The sunshine can bring so much life to situations in many different ways.. I kiss my Gram on the cheek and feel her warm skin against mine. We say I love you and I watch her make her way into the house. Her little white slippers slowly dragging across the pavement. She finds her way inside and I sit back down on the swing.

The hornets continue to fly around me, the breeze continues to blow and the sun does not stop shining. I rest my feet back on the pavement and place my head on the back of the swing and close my eyes and slowly let the sun and breeze put me to sleep.

Week 14

Week 15, #1

May 7, 2011

Earlier today I started reading Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. My mom actually came home to find me still in my pajamas at two in the afternoon. "Hillary, is this seriously what you have been doing all day?" I answered yes, I've been babysitting the past three days and two nights and had school and work this week as well.. I was enjoying relaxing and reading. She shook her had at me and went upstairs to get ready to go out tonight. I will be writing about the book over the next few days because whenever I read (which is a lot) a book it is what stays on my mind for more than half of the day. I enjoy reading because it is a total escape, even when I put the book down I can still go back in my mind and replay the book as I imagine it. If you do not know what the book is about, it is first in it's series and is fiction, describing the rapture. I am not a firm believer in God but the book is not preachy, there for I find it very interesting. I find my thoughts mostly swinging towards the believing side and how people can believe in such a crazy out there idea.. and on the other hand it in a way kind of makes sense. I am only on page 98 out of about 468 so I have a long ways to go but for right now I find it most interesting and can hardly put it down. Tomorrow being Mother's Day it will be difficult to find the time to read but I'm sure I will somehow.

May 9, 2011

I unfortunately did not have time to read on Mother's Day because I was super busy with festivities and homework to do that was due today. Although I did not get to read yesterday I do have something to talk about from yesterday that I found interesting.. my mom happend to rent the new movie called "The King's Speech." We watched it together for mother-daughter bonding time and it is honestly one of my new favorite movies.. I would advise anyone to watch it. The movie is about King George IV and his speech impediment and how one man taught him to overcome his fears. At the end of the movie there was a surprising twist when the King found out the "doctor" he was receiving help from never actually went to school for his study.. he was just a normal man with no degree. Although there was that minor set back, King George learned so much from the doctor that he decided to still take lessons from him. The movie was based on a true story and at the end in the credits it said that the two stayed friends for the rest of their lives. I am not a big fan of movies because I can never fully sit down for one but I was glued to the TV when watching this with my mom. I have classes and assignments to attend and finish today but I will read later on and write about it at the end of the day.

11:07 PM
I have been reading non-stop for about two and a half hours now and I am on page 301! The book has got increasingly more interesting with each turn of the page. I actually went to visit my Nana and Papa earlier today and my Nana gave me the movie to watch AFTER* I read the book.. or else it will spoil the whole thing. What I find most interesting so far is the rise of the "antichrist." In the book it describes him as a handsome, fit, intelligent young man, with wisdom far behind his age. Obviously, the same thing is written in the Bible. I find this interesting within the book because if such an event like the Rapture took place the world would be devastated.. so devastated that the first sign of hope would intrest the whole entire world. In my opinion, much like what happend to America, since Bush left office many things were wrong within the country and Obama is a smooth talker, therefore many people stored their faith within him instantly. No, I am not saying Obama is the antichrist but it stuns me how quickly people install trust within someone they have just met.

Another very interesting part of my night was when my Nana handed me an old book she's had for years. I think one of my most favorite things to do is read quotes.. especially ones that I can relate to my life. I was reading off a quote I found recently to her when she got up, went to her bookshelf, pulled out a book and set it in front of me. It is called, The Dictionary of Thoughts, a whole entire book, much like a dictionary addressing quotes on every subject imaginable. I cannot wait to read over some of the quotes but I have a feeling it won't be until I finish Left Behind.

May 11, 2011
Today is the last day of classes! :D Well, for me anyway! I spent all last night reading my book and I only have about fifty pages to go until the end! I also went out and bought book two, my mom luckily has all the rest after that though. Before I talk about the book there is something that completely creeped me out last night.. while I was at my friends apartment she took out her ouija board, turned of all the lights and her plus two other friends started to use it. I do not know what to believe whether or not it is true because I didn't lay a finger on it! I watched as they talked to "dead people." I thought the thing was very scary myself but they seemed to be enjoying themselves, one even got BORED using it! Anyway, I soon left because they wanted to keep communicating to dead people and I was just not having any fun with it at all.

In my book, the main characters are starting to realize who the antichrist is and they have found good reasoning behind it. There is a lot of major issues in this book that possibly the world is dealing with today and only people with high ranks for countries are aware of it.. not usual individuals such as ourselves. I will not say how the book ends because that will be a spoiler but it is one of my favorites by far.

Week 13


There was not much on my agenda to do that particular day so my mom and I went to the store to pick up ingredients for "Muddy Buddies," chocolate and peanut butter covered Chex Mix with confectioner sugar. We ended up buying more than we actually planned, christmas cookies, kool-aid, chips and ice cream.. ah, there is only so much to do during the winter months.. one of those things is eat. We headed home to bake the cookies and cook the Muddy Buddies. Overall it only took us about a half an hour to unpack the groceries and clean up the mess from baking. We sat by the fireplace and relaxed as we began to stuff our faces with junk food. Our landline phone began to ring just as we got comfy on the couch, yes we have a landline.. unlike many people these days. My mother and I's modo is, "if it's important, they know to call our cell phones" which is always what ends up happening. The phone stopped ringing and we were both anticipating one of our cells to go off next and that is just what happened. Young Forever started playing as my phone lit up, "Nana and Papa" popped up on my screen, identifying who was on the other line.
"Hello"
"Hillary, put your mother on the phone."

My Papa never calls my cell phone to talk to my mom so I knew this had to be something important. Although he did not call my Mom's phone, calling mine was the best way to reach her anyway.. I never ever miss a call from my grandparents, no way.

"Dad?"
"Uh huh"
"Ok. See you there."

Immediately I asked what was wrong.. "Nana is in the hospital, she collapsed into a shelf at the grocery store.


I closed up the fire place as my mom ran around the house and blew out all the candles. Christmas cookies, vanilla bean and christmas tree scents filled my whole house but I had lost the brain power to concentrate on anything but what could be wrong with my nana. We ran out in the truck and my mom pulled out of the garage.

Week 12

I swear I was attracted to him, not just by his looks or personality, but an actual magnetic attraction. He would walk away and somehow I would end up right back next to him. It was a cold spring night at hunting camp when I first kissed him and from there it started our relationship. He had hazel eyes, naturally dark skin, brown hair and a GMC Sierra, I swear to God I automatically fell in love with the boy. We dated after a few weeks because it already felt right to be committed.

He would come over everyday after work and have dinner with my mom and I. We were glued to the hip, wherever I went, he followed, wherever he was, I was. We would go out every night of the weekend to parties at his friends house, I became close to all of his best friends girlfriends and it was almost a ritual to see them on Friday and Saturday nights.

Four months had passed in a blink of an eye and we were still doing as good as ever. My family was right in love with him, just like I thought I was. Slowly I started to become aggravated with how many places he went with me. I couldn't even go to my grandmothers house without him tagging along, leaving her upset that she couldn't just have time with her "Hilly-bug."

His perfect tan skin started to reveal un ugly shade of gross yellow and his eyes were no longer hazel but showed a glimpse of red when he would become angry with me for going out with my friends. Little red horns slowly started to appear out of the sides of his head, day by day becoming longer. The "I love you" texts starting turning into texts that would read:
"Well I just want to know what my friggen girlfriend is doing once and a while."
"You told me you'd call me when you got home, if you even are home."
"Whatever Hillary, text me tomorrow if you feel like it."

My once perfect boyfriend started becoming a monster right before my very eyes. His muscles no longer impressed me but scared me, there would be fire flames in his eyes as he asked me what I did the night before.

The night it all became perfectly clear to me to end things was the night I took my Nana out to a movie for her birthday..
"I am at Shrek with Nana, I'll text you after."
"Well what the fuck am I supposed to do while you're there"
My cheeks turned red and my body cringed with fear, I could no longer date him.. the once angel I fell in love with turned into a monster who I couldn't stand to be with for one more second.

I broke up with the beast while my mom and I were in Florida, scared to do it while I was in town. His texts were completely inappropriate and I was relieved yet still worried because I knew he wasn't going to be over it for a while. My Florida trip came and went and I was back home with my friends and family. I had started talking to my ex while I was gone because he had always been in the background for me. Matt and I knew we would end up together after the beast and I were over simply because that was always what happened.

It had been two weeks since the break up and I had not heard one word from him. Matt and I had slowly started hanging out again, we didn't want to rush things because we were both scared of what the beast might do. I would see that white truck of his all around town.. constantly showing up in places I would go. I would see through his truck windows, his eyes glowing red, skin the tint of yellow that disgusted me and the horns fully showing out of his scalp.

The night that ruined it all for me was the night the beast came to my house while he was completely wasted. With the luck I acquire Matt happened to be at my house that same night.. We were home alone and upstairs, unaware at the time that the beast was right outside my house.
Matt left around eleven thirty, we stood on my back porch and kissed again for the first time in five months. Matt walked away and I examined the wings that came out of his back, glowing in the dark of the night.. the one person who had been there for me that I could rely on.


"Hill, wake up.." 1:00am

"Hillary." 1:30am

"He kicked a dent into my car." 2:15am

"He's sending me texts saying he's messed with the wrong guy
and to watch my fucking back." 3:00am


What the hell is going on I thought to myself, reading all the texts that I had missed while sleeping. As I was about to press reply, my cellphone started ringing with an unfamiliar number-
I answered. "Hi, Hillary? This is Matt's mother. I think it's best for you two not to talk anymore, he received over six threatening texts last night and his car has an $1,000 dent in the side.. I'm sorry." My throat closed up and tears rolled down my cheeks as I threw my phone across the room and it shattered to a million little pieces.

The beast ultimately ruined Matt and I's relationship forever.. one that had lasted for at least five years. I lost my best friend that day and never got him back. I still see the beast around town in that stupid white truck.. with the same skin tinted the disgusting yellow.. he's my biggest mistake and my one regret. I know there must be a God, for I have witnessed the devil at work.

Week 10

It was a busy morning at my house from the moment I woke up. My mom had an important meeting that day so she was spending an extra amount of time in front of the mirror fixing her hair and make-up, crunching into my shower time. I was losing my patience increasingly fast the longer she took.. I paced around my room, trying to plan out my hair and outfit in my head for school that day. "Mom, I really need the bathroom, I'm not going to have time to get ready for school as it is already." She huffed and puffed as she walked out, unable to be happy with how she looked that day. I sprinted in after her and stripped off my clothes as fast as I could and hopped into the shower. The water was piercing hot, I was in too big of a rush to care though.. I threw shampoo onto my head and washed it quickly but not throughly, leaving some left over in my hair. I grabbed for the soap and it slipped out of my hands, I got fed-up and decided to skip the body washing that day. I turned off the water and reached for my towel to dry myself off. I glanced at my phone to check what time it was.. SEVEN FIFTEEN?? I only had fifteen more minutes to get to school and I didn't even have my hair or make-up done. I put on my concealer and mascara, in such a hurry that it looked sloppy, but hey.. it was better than nothing. My hair was going to have to just be put up in a bun that day because there was no way in hell I would have time to blow-dry and straighten it.

Finally, I was at school.. it was seven thirty five but my teacher marked me present and on time, thank God. Although I was five minutes late, that shouldn't have gave everyone a reason to stare at me.. Why is everyone looking at me like I have five heads I wondered. Yeah, today I didn't look my best but it wasn't like I looked like I got hit by a bus or just walked out of hell.. even my teacher was glancing up one too many times at me. "Uhm may I go to the bathroom?" Mrs. Dumont just nodded at me and darted her head back down at her desk. What the hell was going on I thought as I was walking down the hallway to the girls room, whatever it is I thought, I would soon be finding out.

Tears were falling down my face rapidly as I stood infront of the mirror, alone in the bathroom. So humiliated that there was no way anyone could make me feel better. How could I have been so concerned with my hair and make-up that I forgot my clothes? Why the hell didn't my mom or friends say anything when they saw me completely butt-naked? Betrayed and embarrassed were just understatements for how I felt. My body, pale, from the winter weather had been seen by the whole school and I would never live it down. I collapsed on the floor, uncontrollably crying.

Someone started to nudge on my shoulder, but I was at first, too mortified to see who it was. Slowly, the nudging became harder, starting to shake my whole body.
"Hillary!"
"Hillary, wake up, class is over!"
I slowly lifted my head up off the desk, dis-oriented from what was going on..
"Girl, you gotta stop falling asleep in class, Mrs. Dapice is going to give you a detention next time you do!"

Week 9


I open up my Myspace account and see a new message, I click "okay" to read it.

"I heard Pat didn't want to date you anymore because you're a cow, that's what he even called you today.. I just thought I'd let you know."

* * *

I enter the doctors office and my mom trails in behind me, she has a blank look on her face. I take a deep breath as I sit down in the chair across from the nurse. "Hello, Hillary, what are you here for today?" I open my mouth, about to tell her why and my mom speaks before I have the chance.

* * *

I sit down at my desk, exhausted from the appointment earlier that day. I open up the brochure and look at pictures of girls who have recovered. A tear runs down my cheek as I realize what I'm doing to myself. I slam the brochure down and go put my too-big-for-me pajamas on and get into bed, unable to control my emotions.

* * *

I sit at the lunch table, reminiscing about how happy I used to be. I look around and see all my classmates eating around me and I look down to see a blank tray before me. Tunnel vision sets in and the whole world around me blanks out, all I can think about is how long my next workout will be. The scratch of the intercom comes on "Hillary Craig to the main office please, Hillary Craig to the main office." My heart rate speeds as I wonder what I could have possibly done wrong.

* * *

I now am forced to eat with the nurse during lunchtime, my mom's idea. I open my lunch bag to see what she packed for me today.. PB&J sandwich (trying to get some protein in me), an apple and carrots (eat your fruits and veggies!), two oreo cookies... (what is she thinking??) and last but not least, a bag of lays baked potato chips. What the hell is she trying to do, make me a 200 pound 16 year old?

* * *

I wake up and look at my clock next to my bed, 2 a.m.. I can hardly function my mouth is so dry. I run down the stairs as fast as I can and grab a glass out of the pantry and fill it up with water. I slowly make my way back up stairs, my heart already racing from going down them to fast. Before I make it back into my room, I hear a whimpering coming from my moms room, she's crying.

* * *

I ask my mom for lunch money a few days later, a surprised look comes across her face followed by confusion. "What are you going to spend the money on? Obviously not food." I take a deep breath and thinking about the night before and hearing her crying, "yes I am mom, I want to get better." She asks no more questions and reaches into her pocket book and hands me a ten, turns around and walks out the door.

* * *

"I don't know how you did it, Hillary. You are one of the few girls I have had come in here and fully recovered.. it's very impressive and I'm glad you have." I look over to my mom and she is sitting across from me with a tear in her eye and a little smile showing.

Week 8

The shadows of the trees rest upon the pavement of the road as I drove over it. Meghan is in my passenger seat, singing along to our favorite country songs. It is my favorite road to take drives on, the stream winds and twists just like the road. I pull over onto a gravel parking lot and turn the car off. We both grab our cameras to take pictures and put our shades on to try and block the glare of the sun. I shut the door behind me and throw my keys next to my tire, leaving them there instead of carrying them. Meghan runs ahead of me to take pictures of the stream, sending them to her husband over in Afghanistan. "Hillary! Smile!" I turn quickly to respond to her statement and put on my best-fake smile. "Don't send that to Facebook, I look horrible today" I tell her after she takes it, (I hate when people do that)!

I run along the side of the stream to get a picture of the trees with the sun behind it, a perfect, almost-spring kind of day. Only in Maine do people go outside when it's 40 degrees out and call it "warm." I kneel down close to the ground and lay my camera on a near by rock, these are my favorite kind of pictures to take. I take a few different snap shots in nearby locations as Meghan does the same. We both meet back up by the picnic table, sitting down to take in the scenery. She tells me about her troubles with her roommate and how she is very close to kicking him out, I try and give her the best advice I have.. "well maybe you should tell him that you aren't going to put up with much more." She responds, "I've already done that." I'm at a loss of words, my mind in a whole other world. I slowly and discretely shake my head to get my thoughts together, "want to head back to Brewer and get something to eat" I ask, Meghan nods her head, we both have hardly ate anything all day long. We pick up our cameras off the table and head back over to my car. The ground is soft and mushy from all the melted snow, our shoes are soaked by the time we reach the gravel again. "Uh, Hill.." I turn around, Meghan hands me my sunglasses I forgot to grab off the seat of the table, "oh crap! It's a good thing I got you." We both smile at each other and open the doors to my car.

Week 7

Her oversized brimmed glasses rest upon her nose and hook around her ears. Although growing older creates more flaws and wrinkles in the skin, she is still the most beautiful person I know. Her teeth (dentures) are perfectly white, although they are not her natural teeth, they look like they are. She has a smile that is one of the most genuine things I have ever seen, lighting up her face and eyes in the process. We sit at the table, eating our dinner, something we do almost every other night. I almost always expect her to be in her usual white turtle-neck with her Carhartt jeans. She always has her cross necklace on along with two bracelets and a couple rings on both hands, she likes to think of herself as "fancy." She is a healthy woman, physically and mentally. She putters around the house all day long, with a hand cloth draped over her shoulder to use while she bakes. Her socks are the usual white, never any other color.. I bought her bright colored sox for Christmas one time but she never seemed to take a liking to them. She is around 5'6 or maybe even 5'5, shrinking with age, I now seem to tower over her whenever I go to give her a hug. Her hair is about two or three inches long, in curls all around her head. The shades of white, gray and a little bit of blonde shine under the light. She never tries to look younger then she is, she accepts her age humbly, even though at heart she is about 60 years younger. Many times, I catch her examining her nails under the light, criticizing the way they look. When she was younger, she had a habit of always having fake nails which eventually ruined her real ones, she still tries to strengthen everyday.

Her passion for loving her family and confidence shines through her, for she knows she is beautiful. On the weekends, she works at a near by nursing home, taking care of older patients but still calling them "her little chickadees." Her love for other people is outstanding and she is the least critical person I know.

I will never meet anyone quite like my Nana, for she is one of a kind.

Week 6


Grass as soft as a brand new plush carpet, colored different but perfect shades of green. I stand barefoot, able to feel the strands between my toes and underneath my feet. The sky light blue, magnifying the summer weather. Trees surround the airport, becoming border lines for the runway. Three leaf clovers scattered all around, popping up from the ground. An old and run down looking hanger is at the beginning of the runway, housing Cessna planes. One plane cannot be mistaken, painted bright orange along with a green stripe running down both sides, my Papa's plane. The propeller is a bright shiny silver that reflects the rays of the sun beaming down onto it. A breeze runs through my hair as I breathe in the fresh air. I glance over at the hanger, watching my Papa as he works on his plane. The airport, a second home without walls or a roof. I walk over to the hanger, watching the ground as I step, making sure not to step on any bees or hornets. "You ready?" I smile as I hear his question, of course I am. I open up the passenger side door and climb up into the plane. Heat rushes out as I climb in, my breaths become harder to take because the air is so thick. I position myself in the seat as my Papa climbs in next to me and hands me a headset. I push my hair out of my face and place it over my head, covering my ears. The plane turns on and the propeller starts to spin. I look to my right and watch the scenery change as we make our way towards the runway. Big tree, little tree, medium sized tree, all unique and different in design, just like every human on earth. I turn to look back at my Papa, fidgeting with all the knobs and buttons.

Week 5


I stood in front of the mirror examining every inch of my body and dress. My hair- ringlets held up with millions of bobby pins. My dress- aqua, green and a bright yellow, I chose this dress because I wanted to stand out. I turned around to face my two friends, Brittany and Jenna. "I would rather go to hell for the rest of the night than go to prom" Jenna said to me and Brittany. "Yeah, I look like a bloated mermaid and I'm missing half the sequins off my dress" Brittany said back. I stand there without replying to either of them, my mind off in a different world, tonight was my senior prom. My hands are clammy, nervous for everyone to see me in my dress. Brittany's door opens and my mom walks in along with Jenna's. "You all look so beautiful," "our little girls are all grown up!" Brittany, Jenna and I all roll our eyes at the same time, when really all of us totally agreed, but kept it to ourselves. I turn to glance out the window and I see my boyfriends truck pull into the driveway. If there were a speedometer hooked to my heart, it would show 120mph. I hold still, quietly trying to steady my breathing as I watch him get out of his truck. He has his white tux on and a aqua colored tie to match my dress. I profusely start sweating, Brittany noticed I was anxious because I hadn't been replying back to her. "Hill, it's going to be okay, you look so pretty." I relax a little, so thankful for my best friend. I strap my heals on and we make our way towards the stairs. Just like you see in the movies, we walk down the stairs, all of our boyfriends were waiting at the bottom. At that instant, I felt like a princess. "You look.. amazing," Craig whispered to me, "you look even better" I replied. Pictures took about half an hour and by the time it was time to leave for dinner my mouth muscles couldn't smile any longer. I hopped up into Craig's truck, instead of renting a limo we all had nice cars and trucks to ride in instead. I gazed out the window, relieved to be away from everybody else.

"You look so beautiful Hillary." I shrug my shoulders and look straight ahead, unable to take a compliment, yes I'm one of those girls.. compliments are just awkward. He smiles, he knows exactly how I am, and he turns on my favorite song. Suddenly my confidence unravels around me, I almost feel like crying when my ex-boyfriend comes to mind. All day I tried to push it out of my mind that he would be at prom with another girl tonight. After four years, we broke up two months earlier, but I was unable to let go of him. The moment I had been dreading would be in only a couple hours.. seeing him with another girl at my prom..

"Were here Hill," I drift back down to reality and realize we had arrived at the Sea Dog. I unstrap my heels, unable to walk in them correctly, and jump out of his truck. He grasps my hand as we start to walk into the restaurant. Matt crosses my mind but I don't allow myself to think about him. Brittany and Jenna, along with their boyfriends, join us a dinner. I order my usual, a BLT. "Jordan, that isn't how you eat lobster.." "oh shut up Jenna, I'm eating my food just fine." "You guys fight like a married couple" Brittany says to both of them. I feel Craig put his hand on my leg, a common sign of affection.

I'm standing beside him, looking up at the sky and holding his hand. "I love you Hill," Matt says as he kisses my forehead. "Matt, you never pay attention to me, only when I talk to other guys do you actually care about me.. I just can't do it anymore." "But Hill, I need you, please give me another chance." I look down at the grass, our shadows play out on the ground before us, a street light shines upon him and I. A tear runs down my cheek as I shake my head, this moment was one that we both knew was coming. "I love you too Matt, I always will, but this is what's best for me." "I'm best for you Hill, I know I am," "No, I can't.. I have to go, I'm sorry." I stand on my toes and give him one last kiss on his cheek.

Craig lifts his hand away from my leg, I snap out of my thoughts, realizing I had been silent for almost ten minutes. I grab my sandwich, eating it quickly to try and catch up to the others, who were almost ready to leave. "I am not eating anymore because I don't want to be bloated in this dress" Jenna says. "Me either" I say back.. My memory I was reliving two minutes earlier made me lose my appetite. The waiter brings the boys their checks and takes their credit cards. "Are you ready for prom?" Craig asks me, I nod and smile.. unable to speak, trying to keep myself from crying. The credit cards are returned and we stand up, push in our chairs and begin to walk towards the door. "Dammnnnnn" I turn around and see a man at the bar looking me up and down, Craig darts his head around to see who made the comment. The man quickly looks away, knowing he had upset him, I just smiled slightly, enjoying the attention.

The next thing I know, were at the civic center. Limos and mercedes were all over the place, most everyone in my class I graduated with had parents who had more than enough money. Craig parks his truck, I look out my window and of course, I see Matt's white Maxima. I knew it was his, black windows with black rims.. my heart sunk ten miles deep into my body. "Here we go!" Craig smiles wide at me, I plaster the best fake smile I have on my face "yes, here we go." I strap my heels back on and get out of the truck, trying not to glance over to Matt's car. We make our way into the building, my mind is running a marathon. "You look soo good!" I hear from behind me, recognizing the voice, Nicole. "No girl! You do! I love your dress" I reply and give her a hug. "I just wanted to say hi but I'm going back to dance with Cote!" I smile as she runs off. Craig puts his arm around me, we walk out of the entry way into the building where everyone else was. My dress, criss-crosses in the back, I walk tall and confident along with Craig, who has a white tux on. Craig is two years older than me, one of the most popular boys from his graduating class, I knew we would grasp others attention. I look around the room, crowded with people and I find who I'm looking for. Matt catches me looking and we stare at each other for what seems like a lifetime. I look away, trying to take control of the situation before he could.

Prom goes on, I see all my friends with their dresses, all of them look stunning. The whole night I try to catch Matt's attention as much as possible. "Right Now" starts to play by Akon, I grab Brittany and Jenna and we make our way to the dance floor without our boys. We dance like there is no tomorrow singing the lyrics to eachother..

The tables have turned and I've finally learned
That this is makin' up for every day I was gone
And that's why I'm concerned but now it's confirmed
That you spread your wings and learned to fly but all alone

Jenna twirls me around and I smile my biggest smile, with the quick moment of turning I have a split second to notice Matt watching me dance. I have so won this one, I think, as I am dancing.

Prom ends as quickly as it started, Craig and I say goodbye to our friends and walk out the door hand in hand. "That was so great Hill, that was even better than my prom." Success in so many ways, I thought to myself. "Yeah, I had so much fun! But I'm ready to put my pjs on, this dress is so annoying." Craig drives me back to my house and gets out of his truck to walk me to the door. "Thank you for such a great night" he says as he looks at me. I tell him thank you also and he gives me a goodnight kiss. I walk into my house and tell my mom all about my night, I sum it up as quickly as possible.. I just want to go to bed.

I head up the stairs into my room, shed my dress and put my nike shorts on along with a t-shirt. I climb into bed, the sheets rub against my legs and my body sinks into my mattress. My bed has never felt so good. I drift off to sleep, luckily so tired that my mind shuts itself off and allows me to rest.

So when the director yells cut, I'll be fine, I'm forever young.. I wake up instantly as my phone goes off, it's 2 a.m. "what the hell" I say to myself as I pick up my phone. "One New Message from: Matt" My heart flutters as I reach to click "ok" on my phone.

"You looked so beautiful tonight Hill."

Week 4

I played for the junior varsity team in high school my junior year. I was captain of the team and started every game as right inner. I would sometimes play the whole game, I would be completely exhausted after. The varsity team had made it to playoffs that year and the varsity coach said she would take one member of the junior varsity team and have them play during the play off game. I was that specific member. I ended up playing the whole last half and in over time along with the best players from varsity. I started off at the bottom and ended up at the top.


My junior year in high school I played one of the roughest sports out there- field hockey. I remember coming home after finding out that I didn't make varsity and crying all night long, my pillows were completely covered with mascara. A couple weeks into the season the team made me captain, which kind of helped the situation. My mom told me to stick with it because everything happens for a reason. I started the blood thirsty game as right inner, playing the whole game at some points. The varsity team had done well that year and made it to the playoffs. The varsity coach said she would be pulling up one player from jv to play in the game, she picked me. I remember the day lucidly, I wasn't put in the whole first half but the second half she put me in, keeping me there for the rest of the game. I was playing my absolute hardest, constantly trying to catch my breath. The game was soon tied, putting us into overtime. We were all sitting around the bench having a team talk when she told us she had made a change in the line up for the overtime. Overtime was the most important part of the game, it could make or break the season for us. She told us "I am making a risky decision and I hope it works out the way I want it to, Hillary you are going in." The whistle was blown for the game to start up again, we all ran out on the field, possibly one of the most exciting moments of my life. The game started up quickly, leaving no time for hesitation, every movement mattered. The crowd was roaring, parents cheering and screaming. Emily hit the ball to me and I sprinted after it, my whole life revolved around that little white ball. I did a break away play and was so close to the goal, I hit it across to Allie and she put it in. We had won the game, it was one of the best feelings ever.



I was sitting on the bench, listening to the coach tell us the players who made varsity. My anxiety level was higher than ever as I anticipated hearing my name. "Hillary Craig" she said and looked up and smiled. I simply smirked, I had made varsity, there was no doubt I was one of the best players, so why wouldn't I? I stood up and went to sit down with the other girls whose names were called. Peering over to the other side of the field where the jv team was sitting, so relieved to be one the better team. The season was a great one, I started every game and played the whole time. Winning games with break away passes and no-assist goals, I was MVP. All the girls were so jealous of me and I loved it, captain and star player of the varsity field hockey team, who wouldn't be jealous!? Our team had eventually made it to play offs, which had not happened in over seven years. Our coach and the whole school was ecstatic, not to mention we were hosting the game on our field- meaning lots and lots of fans. I remember waking up the morning of the game, so ready to play. Lucidly can recall taking a shower, throwing my hair up and putting my lucky "Brewer Witches" ribbon in a bow around the ponytail. I threw my stick and shinguards into my Escape and sped away from the house.. listening to "You Don't Know" by Eminem to get me hyped up. I was one of the first girls there to warm up a bit before the game. We were all so psyched to play, black lines etched across our cheeks, ready for war. Soon it was time for battle, I was starting, like usual. The game was intense, constantly running from one end of the field to the other. I had scored two points out of five, by the last minute of the second half we were tied 5-5. The referee blew his whistle, "overtime, each team will have ten minutes until then." Thirsty for blood, our team was anxious sitting on the bench, wanting to win so bad. The ten minutes felt like a lifetime, finally it was time to go back in. I went in with the top five best players on the team, obviously. The whistle was blown once again and the game started back up. Fiercely running after the ball, trying to win the game. My teammate Emily hit it to me, I had a break away play towards the other end of the field. I psyched the goalie out and slammed that ball right in the goal. The crowed was jumping up and down with excitement as all the players on my team ran out and hugged me.. I had won the game. Feeling like a superstar I walked proudly across the field to my coach where she gave me a high five, I was in the best mood the whole week after. My name was in the paper for scoring the winning goal, "Number 13, Hillary Craig, scored the winning goal for Brewer against Bangor, bringing her team closer to the championship game."

Week 3


My eyes are repeatedly dialating, trying to focus in on the scene around me. My ears are sharp, trying to hear every little bit of all the different conversations. Sitting in a college boys house, the rug is old and worn out, beer posters hang all over the walls. The people surrounding me are under the influence, when a specific conversation gets my attention.

Dan: "You don't have to go to college to be successful yo."
Hannah: "Yes you do, good jobs require college degrees, the rest don't pay as well."
Dan: "That ain't true at all yo, tons of people go out and become millionaires without finishing college."
Hannah: "Yes it is, it might have been that way a while ago but now everyone should go to college if they want to make a good living."

I shift my weight on the arm rest of the couch, sitting next to Matt.

Matt: "Don't say anything, he will just keep fighting with you."

I lean forward to fix my eyesight on Dan, not fixing to start an argument but simply bring about a point..

Me: "I'm not saying that you need to have a college degree to be successful but it is more likely to become successful if you have one."

Dan scoots forward out of his seat, all ready to state his opinion and fight with me.

Dan: "No it's not, blah, blah, blah."

I close my ears off immediately to the non-sense he tries to feed me.
I sunk back into the leather couch and gave up on the argument, his words were foreign to me from that point on, no longer interested in what he was saying. Not to mention every other word coming out of his mouth was "yo." Hannah and I decided to start talking on our own in our corner we were sitting in."

Hannah: "Yeah yo, I yo don't need to go to school yo, 'cause you know, it ain't everything yo."
Me: "Yeah dude, I don't gotta either, who needs school yo?"

Matt jumps in on the conversation,
"You too, it isn't nice to make fun of people and how they talk." He said jokingly.

Hannah puts her laptop down on the empty side of the couch and whispers to us both, "he is so annoying! why did he have to come here!?"
Matt: "Because Han, he's one of my best friends, stop being so anti social and bitchy."

She reply's by rolling her eyes at him and picks her laptop to get back on Facebook.

I sit on the couch until Hannah tells me she is ready to go. We stand up, put our jackets on as everyone is yelling bye and cya. I check all my pockets to make sure I have everything I came in with and realized my phone was missing. I instantly look up at Matt and he has it in his hand.

"Ready? Catch!"
My hands fly out to catch my phone when the other Matt reaches out and grabs it right before I do.
"Why didn't you let me catch it!?"
"Hah, because you probably couldn't of."
"Yeah right, Matt throw it over here again and I'll catch it this time."

Matt looks at him.. "she's a joker that one.."
I snatch my phone out of his hands and wave goodbye, shutting the door behind me.

Week 2

1992, Afghanistans communist government was overthrown. The Free Trade agreement between Canada, Mexico and the U.S. is signed. The largest shopping mall in America opens it's doors. Hillary Nicole White-Craig is born.

I clutch the chains holding the swing as my Papa pushes me higher and higher. As I'm being launched into the air, so are astronauts in the shuttle Discovery. My hair whips my face but not in a painful way, the air is fresh as I breathe it in through my nose. Unaware of how lucky I am to being in such a safe place to live. Bombs exploded in North-Iraq, Assam India, Algiers and Israel when I was only three years old.

Turning five was a big turning point in my life, it was now time to go to school. My first day at kindergarden, I cried and cried to go home. The room seemed fifty times bigger than me and the kids were making me nervous, too afraid to make new friends. I simply sat in the corner waiting to be told it was time to board the bus and leave. Vaguely remembering, my first bus ride, the driver forgot to stop at my house. Peering out the window as my house swept by in a mere instant. Tears flowed from my face, afraid I would never make it home. Too shy to say anything to the driver, I sat and cried. What seems like a lifetime later, the bus driver got a message on his radio telling him he forgot to drop a little girl off, me. He soon turned the bus around, apologizing to my mother and me, letting me off at our little yellow house. I grabbed my little pony backpack and lunchbox from the seat and ran off the bus as quickly as I could.
Being only five years old at the time, things were going on that would affect me in the future. During 1997, a law was passed that only allowed people 18 years or older to by cigarettes, they were also proven to be addictive within the same year. Even in the television industry, things changed that would affect me in the future. The travel channel was bought for $20 million, as I slowly got over it would start to become one of my favorite channels.

Time went on, I proceeded through first, second and third grade. The summer after third grade my mom met a man named Roger, soon after falling in love with him. She informed me we would be moving to Brewer into a bigger house for all three of us. I was more than devastated and did not know how to react. I would have to make new friends, at a new school where I knew no one at all. Summer eventually ended and all our things were moved into the new house, my new school was about five houses away from mine. The first day of school my mom and Roger walked me there where it felt like kindergarden all over again. I knew no one, all the kids were already friends and playing tag or flag football. I was introduced to my new teacher Mrs. Geaghan, who still holds a place in my heart and always will. I soon met new friends, one Nicole, who has always been in my life since then. Not soon after the new year began, 9/11 took place. I remember coming in from recess and seeing Mrs. Geaghan behind her desk crying, none of us understood why or what was going on. Teachers were walking and running all over the hallways talking to each other. Some classes were allowed to go back out and play, soon ours was allowed as well. I however, along with three other students were told to stay inside. What us four students had in common was one, if not both of our parents were in the military. We were told what happened and that if we had any worries to voice them within the group. My mother never did have to go over seas to fight in the war, which I am thankful for everyday. Although my mom did not have to go, a father of a boy in my class was deployed. I remember holding my mothers hand one day while she walked me to school, so thankful I had her right there with me.
On April first same sex marriage was approved by the Netherlands, the first country ever to allow it. The dispute is never ending about whether same sex marriage should be allowed all over the world. Since then, within America there have been a few countries to allow it: New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont and Washington D.C.


Homosexual was a word I had never heard until I was about thirteen years old. I lucidly remember the first boy I met who was gay when I became a big bad middle schooler, ready to take on the world. Middle school came and went without any issues. I made some of my best friends those three years and the memories are bittersweet. Every month, we would look forward to the dances. Getting dressed up, putting on make up and doing our hair was the highlight of the week, sometimes even the month. Walking into the girl bathroom finding girls crying because a boy would not dance with them or their boyfriend wanted to be with someone else. Such silly dating games seemed so real at the time, like the boy who you wanted to date was your prince who was going to be with you forever. No one who dated in middle school is still together now, goes to show how time changes everything. My eighth grade year I met a boy who probably changed my life forever. We were together until last summer, still the pain resides, I lost my best friend when we broke up. If I could go back in time, I would have never even said hello to him. My hands felt every single tear I wiped away because of him.

Every year I got older I also got a little more aware of the world around me. I started understanding the news and that my life was not the most important thing in the world. I would go home and get my daily update of what was going on from CNN and the local news.

During my senior year in high school I took a class named Current World Problems. I have to admit, it widened my eyes and perspective on the world around me. China is a major threat to America due to the dependent relationship we have that is almost only one sided. Sitting in class and being told other countries around us are rising up to a challenge to level out the superpower country, America. Also, kids in other countries are becoming far more educated than the ones here and testing in America has much lower scores.

Journal


I have to admit I was a little confused on the dates to start the journal. I thought this week was the week to begin, my apologies.

Today I stayed around the house and studied, also watched some of the football games. I do not quite understand football, therefore I was on and off Facebook the whole time. I actually just deleted my Facebook in hopes to do better in school this semester than last. My mom had a few of her friends over, including her boyfriend. We did the usual ritual of making snack foods and drinks to have during the game. I eventually got bored with it all, came upstairs and studied over my psychology. I have to say, my highlight of the day was seeing my dog with his new Snuggie on. Who would have thought, dog Snuggies? Crazy idea but I am sure they will become popular in no time. It is actually interesting, my mom bought me a nice new journal yesterday which I started to write in for myself. I hope I do not lose any credit for starting this one late, I now am on track with what is due each week and hope to get it right from here on out. Tomorrow I do not have class until ten thirty but I should get to bed soon if I know what is best for me. I hope there are no snow days this week, I personally love going to school and hate when I can't. I will be able to write more when I have energy tomorrow, right now I am very tired and am heading to bed.


1/24/11

At the moment I am at Borders Cafe in between my two classes I attend every Monday and Wednesday. I just got out of my art class, it was not anything like I thought it would be. We are studying different centuries of art, no drawing is included in the course which is very strange. It is freezing cold today, my hands are still warming up from the short walk from my car to inside the building. My mom always says when it is very cold out "it's not fit for man nor beast outside today." Funny how things people say stick with you wherever you go. We learned today about impressionism in art and how when Van Gogh was alive he only sold one painting. Now, his paintings are worth a fortune, funny how when people die their possessions become worth so much more. I did not get to sleep last night until around one or one thirty so I am kind of dragging today but not too badly.

I got out of my Sociology class around an hour and a half ago, I am now at home waiting for my mom to get here. We are eating dinner at my Nana's house tonight because she made chicken pot pie and apple bread pudding for after dessert, I cannot wait until dinner time. I am so hungry!

Autobiography



It would be safe to say I love to write, more than any other subject. I was in AP English all four years of high school and I learned how to write in many different styles. I had one teacher who would expect high detail in every essay. Another teacher would only expect me to get the point across, even if there was lack of detail, "short and sweet" she would say. I can honestly say the essays with more detail were the ones I liked to write. The essays in which there was no detail were very bland and could easily put anyone to sleep. I like writing because I believe it is one of the best ways to express yourself. A big love of mine is expressing myself, sometimes through writing and sometimes through art. I keep all my best papers I write on my computer or in a folder. I find it interesting to read through them once and awhile, it is partially like entering a time machine. I also have always had a passion for quotes. I have the quotes I love written everywhere, on and in my notebooks, on my walls, on my computer, everywhere. I even write some of my own sometimes, but keep them to myself. One of my teachers in high school, who was one of my favorites, had us students write all over his walls our favorite quotes. His room was covered with words, letters and pictures. I found it inspiring enough to start doing the same thing on my walls at home. My mom loved them and she wanted her own on my wall, "surround yourself with positive things." Although this is a great quote, I will share with you my favorite one of all time. "The little things are the big things." It has stuck with my my whole life, it is a simple but meaningful quote from my best friend, my grandmother.

You are not afraid to write about yourself and your past. You find writing about your past very easy to do because you are passionate about it. Without your past, you would not be who you are today. Your best grades you have received on papers have been ones about past struggles and triumphs. You find it very difficult to write about topics that are not very interesting and you rarely get good grades on those kinds of papers. Your english teacher from last semester said she even noticed that about your writing. You never did as well on the papers you were not very interested in, but the ones that you could get into were the ones you would get higher than 95s on. You also love to be assigned essays in which you can write about anything. For instance, if you were told right now to write a paper about anything in the whole world you would write about the number seven. You love random but ironic information about the world around you, such as our society runs on the number seven. Reading deeply into the night, becoming lost in someone else's words and other peoples lives. It is your favorite escape from reality.

She loves to write but is not sure if she could ever do it for a living. She feels like writing can either open up a world of success or lead someone down a road of disappointment. Never having a good enough book to be published would be devastating. She has heard of some authors who just never got it right, never could seem to get a published book. Although writing would be difficult and challenging, in the end there is a possibility of it paying off. She often wonders where authors like Stephen King, JK Rowling, Scott Westerfeld, Sarah Dessen and other famous writers get their inspiration from. She even understands it would not just be all about publishing a book but rather having it become a popular one. A book could sit on the same shelf for years and never be noticed, while others become very popular and are sold out weekly. She is still exploring all her options for she is only a freshman in college and has the ability to seek her strengths and weaknesses without worrying about a time limit to do so.

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