Week 9


I open up my Myspace account and see a new message, I click "okay" to read it.

"I heard Pat didn't want to date you anymore because you're a cow, that's what he even called you today.. I just thought I'd let you know."

* * *

I enter the doctors office and my mom trails in behind me, she has a blank look on her face. I take a deep breath as I sit down in the chair across from the nurse. "Hello, Hillary, what are you here for today?" I open my mouth, about to tell her why and my mom speaks before I have the chance.

* * *

I sit down at my desk, exhausted from the appointment earlier that day. I open up the brochure and look at pictures of girls who have recovered. A tear runs down my cheek as I realize what I'm doing to myself. I slam the brochure down and go put my too-big-for-me pajamas on and get into bed, unable to control my emotions.

* * *

I sit at the lunch table, reminiscing about how happy I used to be. I look around and see all my classmates eating around me and I look down to see a blank tray before me. Tunnel vision sets in and the whole world around me blanks out, all I can think about is how long my next workout will be. The scratch of the intercom comes on "Hillary Craig to the main office please, Hillary Craig to the main office." My heart rate speeds as I wonder what I could have possibly done wrong.

* * *

I now am forced to eat with the nurse during lunchtime, my mom's idea. I open my lunch bag to see what she packed for me today.. PB&J sandwich (trying to get some protein in me), an apple and carrots (eat your fruits and veggies!), two oreo cookies... (what is she thinking??) and last but not least, a bag of lays baked potato chips. What the hell is she trying to do, make me a 200 pound 16 year old?

* * *

I wake up and look at my clock next to my bed, 2 a.m.. I can hardly function my mouth is so dry. I run down the stairs as fast as I can and grab a glass out of the pantry and fill it up with water. I slowly make my way back up stairs, my heart already racing from going down them to fast. Before I make it back into my room, I hear a whimpering coming from my moms room, she's crying.

* * *

I ask my mom for lunch money a few days later, a surprised look comes across her face followed by confusion. "What are you going to spend the money on? Obviously not food." I take a deep breath and thinking about the night before and hearing her crying, "yes I am mom, I want to get better." She asks no more questions and reaches into her pocket book and hands me a ten, turns around and walks out the door.

* * *

"I don't know how you did it, Hillary. You are one of the few girls I have had come in here and fully recovered.. it's very impressive and I'm glad you have." I look over to my mom and she is sitting across from me with a tear in her eye and a little smile showing.